long time no see

I'm so mad at myself. I have been focused on eating healthily at all, points or otherwise.

I'm up to my original weight and probably beyond. I feel like the groove I had has gone.

The last month or so I've been looking at (though not doing) faddy diets. the special k diet. the soup diet. As a last ditch resort to lose weight before my parents come. I wanted to surprise them. I feel crappy that I won't. And also like they will be disappointed in me. Especially my mum.

Goodness knows I'm disappointed in myself. Actually I kinda hate myself.

I've come to a conclusion. Faddy diets are not worth my efforts. Not as a last ditch attempt. Not as any attempt.

I know ww works for me. The first week I did it in 2002 when I was losing weight for my wedding, I lost 7lbs. I know it works if I'm committed. And planned. And not lazy. Or blase.

This week a collegue and friend's husband died aged 39. He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer and we do not know yet if this was the cause, but he was supposedly in recovery. Not in a critical stage.

It makes me feel like I owe it to him and to myself to be as healthy as possible. Why abuse my own healthy body by something as simple as being overweight?

Tomorrow and onwards I will count points. I will work out. I will get it together. Because I can't feel like this anymore.

Bryher, you remain my inspiration. I have revisted your blog today back to the beginning. If you are in a weight loss battle check this girl out. She is awesome

http://www.bryherhill.com/

It will not be easy.
Here is why

My family are here for 4 weeks, so routine and events will not be typical.
We are going to the beach this weekend.
Eating out is totally they way they do it here. It's so cheap and easy.

But here I go. Please let this be the last here I go.