This will be

the year for me, it has to be.

I'm disapointed I can't start until the 16th but it is what it is and I just have to deal with it.

monthly pass update

I have been told that the 15 day in advance thing just happens the one time, then it is the same day each month.

I have to make it be in different pay periods so I will start the 16th I guess. :-(

5 plus board has gone downhill

Now I love(d) the five + boards, hence why my blog is linked in the blog group. But I almost posted this tonight...

I am fed up of people who think this board is for a blow by blow account of their lives. Every little event, detail problem, break up,make up all day long. I actually feel a little sorry for these people but please, find a real life support network. Text each other rather than clogging up the boards.

Do I have a problem with people sharing their problems, forming a community, looking for support both with weight loss and off topic? No. But some people need to realise it is not their personal sounding board day in day out. It's draining.

I had to write it somewhere...so I chose here.

dilemma

ok, so I was looking at getting the monthly pass, when I relaised that it says on the WW USA site...

PLEASE NOTE: Your Monthly Pass will automatically renew each month until you cancel. You will be charged up to 15 days prior to your renewal date at the standard monthly fee (currently $39.95, plus tax for Connecticut) to ensure you receive your new Monthly Pass card on time.

So I am reading it, this means that I will pay twice within one month. I'm not sure I can do that! That's $80 in one month.

What to do. Hmm. I could start a little later than planned, so the next payment will be from the next paycheck if you see what I mean.

Hmmph. Not happy.

no more

of these double chins.

Brittany

I have to say I am saddened by the death of Brittany Murphy.

I know people die all the time, famous or not and I am certainly not about to 'hype it up' or anything like that.

I initially could not understand why a seemingly healthy 32 year old would die from expected cardiac arrest. I immediately felt guilty for not looking after my own body better. Life is fragile and I have been given a healthy body that I am putting to much strain on by being overweight.

I liked Brittany Murphy as in actress, initially in Clueless which I saw at about age 15.

I don't know if there were other factors involved as the rumors begin to circulate, apprently she had flu like symptoms and had been vomiting. Who knows. Either way it serves as a reminder that life is fragile and we must look after ourselves.

Christmas is coming...

And Kit is still fat.

Why do special events make being overweight so much worse. I feel I have literally got absolutely nowhere this year.

I'm tired of saying next year will be different. It has to be. It must be. I can't stand it anymore.

hmmm

off the rails to be honest.

lost

3lb just about.

decisions decisions

ok blog readers. I have some thoughts to share with you.

Really feel like giving up for Christmas, and just enjoying the season and the red cups (man I'm mad at the inventor of starbucks) and all that goes with it.

I will be weighing tomorrow and taking it from there. I am not sure what to do. I feel like everything is a whirl wind.

I know I haven't done too badly this week but have I tracked everything? NO?! It is like non stop from A to B in my life but I guess I have no excuses. Could have done better.

I am also decided that I think attending a meeting here may be a very good idea. There is one 5 minutes from my house and the offical Charlotte Weight Watchers center (no I am not kidding) at 10am on a Saturday which would be perfect.

I feel like I need a kick up the backside and I am realising the only time I have REALLY done this well is when I attended meetings back in 2002.

Plus the US version of weight watchers is a little different, it counts calories, calories from fat and dietry fiber which is interesting. I already have the calculator and maybe, as Bryher said, I would be less complacent about it all if I didn't know the program so well.

I plan to begin attending meetings Saturday Jan 2nd. The monthly pass includes free etools and is $40 per month - or 25 pounds a week.. Not sure how that relates to the UK monthly pass?

The biggest question is how to handle everything in the mean time...

blah

well my friends, you can see I put on this week - almost 4lbs.

I knew it would happen...of course I am disappointed but not surprised.

Tracking points today. I feel like I am bored of this plan having had it in my life so long and I am looking for new ideas of what to eat.

Off to the shop in a bit for inspiration....

Wish me luck

PS I will NOT drink starbucks hot chocolate I will NOT drink starbucks hot chocolate.

O Christmas Tree

I love Christmas.

I decided to make myself a little Christmas incentive.

As I lose a 1lb I will add a decoration to the tree. Hopefully there will be 7 by Sat 19th Dec (we go to Chicago on the Tuesday)

just watch...

You just watch me lose 7lbs by Christmas.

I will stick to points apart from the actual day of thanksgiving....

I will do this. Cmon people...I need some support.

you win none you lose all...

ah where to begin.

I got slack with my blogging and it is a little hard to think back.

Monday wasn't great - breakfast and lunch stuck to plan, then got home and took a nap, waking up only half an hour before going out to hear Daniel play so grabbed some veggie sticks (crisps) apple slices and I think cereal when I came home.

Tuesday...I am trying to think back....this is my punishment for not blogging it. I add it all up in notepad on the laptop...

Wednesday is where it fell apart. I got up so late I didn't eat a decent breakfast. Been so hungry (hormones) and went for a choc bar in the vending maching after school. Then went to good old panera bread. I had creamy tomato soup, mac and cheese and french bread. I also bought bagels - choc chip and apple danish bagels!

Thursday again was going fine until I slipped and hurt my knee and got taken by a staff member to urgent care to get it checked. She took me for ice cream - hot fudge Sundae.

So why am I surprised that I stayed the same? (Weigh in not til tomorrow but I had had enough and knew it wouldn't go well.)

Why does it feel like food rules my life?

Next week is Thanksgiving so that will be a washout too. I will try not to go crazy.

I am thinking after that (Nov 30) I will try fast start again.

I feel so fed up. But I know it's all on me.

Fast start day 2 - no ish.

Today I think I have done a much better job.

B - Cereal (raisin bran) 3 points

L - soft cheese sandwich in sandwhich thins with salad 4 points
Jelly 0 and yoghurt 1.5 (no muller lights here. miss those.)

D Whole wheat pasta, with vegetables (peppers mushroom courgette onion tomatoes) and grated cheese 8 points

2 raspberry ice bars 3 points

Glass milk 1 point

apple slices 1/2 point

thats 21 points so may well have a little more apple.

nighty night!

Fast Start Day 1...ish.

Breakfast - bagel 4 points

Lunch egg and sprinkle of cheese sandwich in sandwich thins I posted about... 5.5

Dinner ermmm

housewarming party....

crackers (ritz) x 6 and 6 pieces cheese (matchbox size) 1 slice of banana bread, 1 rice crispy square (homemade) pepsis not diet.

Cereal when I got home. 3.5

Now, I don't know how many points that is!

But I don't see any fruit or veg. OOOPs.

And I need to drink more water.

WI

stayed the same, could be worse!!!

cmon cmon cmon cmon take that! (and party)

ok, so I am going to do fast start which means dropping to 22 points for the week.

I did some grocery shopping tonight and I got bagels, jelly, yoghurt, bread thins (see pic) whole weat pasta, some fresh veggies to go with the pasta, eggs, (I used to HATE eggs, love em now) some veggie protein for sandwiches and jacket potatoes.

I need to get some fruit too I guess, will probably do that at a different store though.

The tough part for me is how my day is....

breakfast is at 6am...lunch at school is 10.20am. so then when I get home - 3 - 4pm I am usuallly needing a snack! I usually eat dinner around 7pm and bed by 10pm...so....how to I combat the snacking?

Fast start seems to be based on 3 meals a day....

The road is long....

This week I put on 1.4lbs.

Do I know why, I hear you ask?

Uh yes

Did I write anything down? Nope

Did I exercise? Nope

Did I eat out more than once? Yep

Did I get teary looking at rolls of fat in the changing room? Yep

You know guys, I am starting to think that I don't have it in me.

The week begins and I literally forget or neglect what I am supposed to be doing.

I know, it is all on me. My responsibility. My decisions.

I will keep trying. I have to keep trying.

sweets for my sweet....

Long time no blog...when I'm not home sick all day I kinda didn't get time.

I have to be honest I don't think I wrote down any food or points but I felt like I had a good grasp on how much I was eating. Not good enough, I know. I felt like I had a lot to cope with this week. I'm just glad I MADE it through the week. I am feeling much better, still some phlegm on my chest which surfaces every now and then.

So I weighed and lost 0.8lbs. I'm glad my scales are that accurate! Almost a lb anyways! I'm ok with that. Hopefully now I am feeling better I can get back to the exercise. Down is better than up.

Today we went to see 'Where the Wild Things Are' at the mall, in the IMAX theater. I was realy impressed with the quality of IMAX and the movie was cool - an interesting take on the book with is about 10 sentences long. I like that it is kinda someones interpretation.


Today is halloween - something, growing up in a christian home in the UK, I have never celebrated. Here it is definitely viewed differently and christians do celebrate it. The dress up thing is different, kids and adults dress up as anything really, not just something scary or ghostly.

On going to pay the rent check today in our apartment office, I was given this. MMMM!

please take me...ouuut tonight...

If you haven't realized it already, almost all of my titles are song titles or lyrics.

Anyways, Friday night we decided to go out with my USA BFF Amy, and another friend and colleague. It was the same group from our beach trip in the summer and it was fun to hang out. We went for dinner at panera bread. I had tomato soup and half a tomato mozarella panini. They have a cool deal called 'you pick two' where you can choose 2 items from their salads, soups and sandwiches. It is one of my favorite places to go. What I had totalled about 15 points, but I had not spent many points during the day. I took crackers and cheese to school for lunch and the crackers were really bothering my cough so I didn't eat much.

Friday was the day I felt on the upside of my illness. On Thursday, I had texted Daniel from school, a simple :-(. I was not feeling good. Friday I texted :-) as i felt so much better. Having said that as soon as the kids left I felt tired and took a nap from 2.15pm - 6pm. I couldn't believe how long I slept!

After dinner we hit the bowling alley and the bar all at once. I was driving so just had one drink malibu and coke - and then a yummy strawberry slushy kinda thing...a Daquirie without the alcohol. I usually suck at bowling and tonight was varied, I had everything from a zero score to a strike. But I really enjoyed being out and doing something.



Saturday was weigh in day and I was happy with 2lbs loss. Hopefully I can maintain it now and keep losing. I have to admit to not being very good on the weekends...I will have to fix that up quick!

I have been feeling a little down...it is hard to explain. I feel almost homesick - not so much for people but for the place itself. I feel like I am in a rut of get up at 5 - go to work - come home - take d to work - sit around - go get Daniel - go to bed and do it all over again. I have been teary lately and I think this is why. I need to make an effort to be doing things I enjoy when we or I have the time to do so. I also would love a break away - we have bee talking about Thanksgiving or Christmas but no definite idea or plan yet.

I am still not 100% and keep getting bouts of lethargy...if they remain with me I will go get some blood tests to see whatis going on. Still a bit of a cough going on too, and a chesty one at that! Tonight we went for an early evening walk which was lovely, I can't tell you where we ended up. Any guesses?!

I lost 2lbs this week...more later as I am off to a school event.

roll call

points - check

sick - check

back to work - check.

I am now officially a boring blogger.

still

still sick and took today off which will be the last one I can take.

Have to battle it through Thursday and Friday to make it to the weekend.

It is 4.34pm and I have 22 points....all i have had is cereal and a cereal bar. (I had 4 points left yesterday) oh and orange juice better count that too.

Tonight I have to take Daniel to work and pick him up - so a potential late night waiting to pick him up...then it is a one man show so it may not be too bad. I don't know.

Tomorrow I am supposed to chaperone at Chuck E Cheese for our family night between 5pm and 6pm.

Not looking forward to the next two days. Bring on the weekend.

writing a letter....to make you feel better...

still on track with points.

still sick.

this is all.

things can only get better...

Today I took the afternoon off school - well 10.30 onwards as we start at 7 - and popped along to the 'minute clinic' in a local pharmacy.

They said it is a virus going round with this whole fatigue thing and to wait it out. If after 7 days there is no improvement I will get blood taken (uh oh. kinda hate needley stuff) to check nothing more serious is going on.

I came home and slept for a few hours. I ate the left over ratatouille for lunch - which turned out well by the way - and only about a point for the kidney beans I added for protein.

I think I will stay off tomorrow. Being truthful, I know I need to as so far I don't feel improvement. I feel like someone beat me up and just so so weak all over. I really hate missing school to be honest, for many reasons. I love my kids. I get behind on everything. But I think I have no choice. I am feeling really down about it all and I just want to be well.

So far, food wise, it is 6.45pm and I have only had 10 points...I have 3 saved from yesterday too. I am struggling to eat them all - how rare for me to have no appetite.

OOOH jut remembered I had a doughnut today - they brought them round at school. Better go find out the points...4 apparently. Not too bad.

Fight for this love

Well here I am trying to stick to my promises...

Today has been a washout but for once NOT ww wise!

Last night our neighbors had the loudest party ever. I could hear whole conversations and the music was THUMPING. Til 3am. As a result I slept til 1pm which I hate. I feel like it is wasted time. I really needed a full long sleep. I feel worse again today with the whole flu like feelings - but I don't have a fever or high temperature. Just complete fatigue and weakness. I feel very down about it all and I just want to feel better.

Was hoping to go for a walk today but don't know if that will be good or detrimental. Finally we are getting crisp autumn air, but I think it will heat up again this week. Shame. I like the cool air.

I had planned to just catch up on tv online - I have to say I'm enjoying watching the X factor, strictly, Merlin and I also hadn't watched this weeks Gossip Girl - very unusal for me and shows how tired I have been. I have watched some and I am still working on it...

So far I have eaten an egg sarnie (cooked in microwave), toast with nutella and a cereal bar...hmm doesn't sound too healthy written down.

I'm hoping to make up some ratatouille which will consist of onion, mushrooms, courgette, peppers and chopped tomatoes - and I am also adding kidney beans for protein. Hopefully I will feel well enough to make it. I have never made it before!



I still haven't eaten meat since we stopped...

See you tomorrow...

I'm only sleeping...

I am really down.

I started off the week well. Actually, I was barely hungry. Had a migraine sunday night and stayed off school Monday. I felt so sick with it I was not really eating a whole lot.

Then as the week went on I made some mistakes. Buying a bag or 2 of mini twixes for my class was one - I must have eaten a fair few myself. And I am being kind to myself here.

On Thursday night - well afternoon - I fell asleep at 4pm in the arm chair. By 5pm I was in the bed. I awoke once or twice to eat (veggie hot dog) but I can hardly describe the exhaustion I felt. I slept all night til 5.30am - 13 hours of sleep. I can only say it was exhaustion. Every muscle in my body hurt. I felt drowsy, like I had been drugged. I also felt like my body had been hit by a car or that I had run a marathon. I am stil recovering from that - my body still aches and I feel weak.

I can only presume that it is medical exhaustion. I did have a few rough nights sleep this week but still.

Friday night my friend came over and we had pizza - as in take away. Oops. It was yummy I have to say but I know deep down I prefer Daniel's homemade pizza.

This blog shouldn't really be called a journey because I feel like I am going nowhere.

I don't know how to address the exhaustion. I HAVE to be up at 5am ish. Some days I have to get Daniel from work as late as 10 or later becasue he doesn't drive...or i take a nap when I get home...

Having said all this I just got on the scales (I heard Bryher's voice in my head...) and they put me and 234.6lb wich is a 2lb loss.

I don't get it. I can only think the exhaustion and lack of eating at the start of the week helped me out. I am a little worried about my scales as I weighed a few times and it went up and 1lb then back down. I decided just to take the first reading and change the batteries very soon.

I know I need a plan of action...

1. I will try to come on daily to evaluate the day to keep me on track rather than weekly.

2. I am terrible for cramming a cereal bar (chocolate coated, 3 points) into my mouth when I am hungry. I need more fruit and veg in my diet.

3. I will keep attempting the excercise. It just hasn't happened this week. The exhaustion reigned.

If you are reading I would love to hear from you...

wasn't as bad as I thought...

I read Bryher's comment this morning and decided she was right - I did need to get back on the scales.
I was actually surprised - 236.6lbs - I think the last time I got on it was 238 and something.

So at least I'm not over my start weight I guess.

I went to the whole food, organicy kind of store last night and bought some fresh soups, clementines (only place i have seen them here) sugar snap peas (same) and am trying to make an effort now.

I guess the Starbucks will HAVE to go....

I don't think I have anything physical making me so tired - I go to bed around 10pm and my alarm goes off around 5.15am...maybe if it continues I will go check it out.

truth? I'm going nowhere.

Did you know that a Starbucks signature hot chocolate is 10 points! I have had more that one of those this week....oh wow.

Anyway this journey has hit a huge bump - and very early on as I have not really got anywhere.

No one to blame but me...

Work is exhausting - not an excuse - but we have more kids and less help from assitants due to all the budget cuts we have had. I feel like I am scrambling through the day and this is taking a toll on me. I eat whatever is convenient - not fast food or anything but snack all day, take long naps, never excercise.

I stay in bed as long as possible - my alarm goes off around 5.15am and I snooze and snooze andjust about get to school on time.

I got on the scales last week to see a pound on. I didn't even bother getting on this week.

I have asked hubby to go with me on walks or to the gym. I hope this will give me more energy.

I mean how can I even expect a result? I haven't pointed or excercised. Not to mention the starbucks thing.

It's like in my mind, I know what I need to be doing and so on. My body just isn't complying.

Help.....

Nothin' left for me to do but dance!

Firstly, I did weigh on Saturday and had put that 4lbs on to be back to my start weight - I havent changed my ticker yet...

I love, love, love to watch dancing shows. Strictly Come Dancing, Dancing With The Stars, So You Think You Can Dance. I wish I could have a Dancer's body. I truly do. I love watching the female dancers in their gorgeous dresses, beautiful figures whirling around the floor. I don't think I will ever get to have a figure like that, but I can try. If I watch all these shows every week - which I do - that is 5 days of inspiration a week.

Not only that but Daniel promised a long time ago that when I had lost the weight we would take dance classes together. I feel sad that I am nowhere near this yet, but the only way is to begin.

I will count my points from tomorrow and attempt some excercise too.

Wish me luck!

here we go again

I don't want to fly again and feel like I just about fit in the seat. The 747 was ok but the airbus was cramped and I felt uncomfortable and embarassed.

I want to return to the UK in July a lot lighter.

I want to show that I DO value my health hugely. Actions should speak louder than words.

Watch this space.

Just remembered I forgot to weigh this morning, will do it tomorrow.

Ate a lot of chocolate and pizza at home. Have one Dairy Milk bar left to finish. When it's gone, the points I must count, because I can't be like this anymore.

I went to visit Bryher while I was home. It was great to see her in real life as she lost a lot of weight since I last saw her and looks great. Check her out ... http://www.bryherhill.com/

Here we are..look at my roll of fat...I hate it!

weight in 8...finally

finally a result I like.

current weigh 332.8lbs loss 3.2lbs

YAY!

This could be for many reasons

Limited cash has meant only buying exactly what we need.

Maybe the vegetarian thing is working...

My Nan passed away so felt less like eating.

I'm back at school which is exhausting and prob burning more calories than I was sitting at home all summer.

weigh in 7

236lbs - put a 1lb on. Not unexpected as I ate a whole lot of crisps. or chips for the American's.

D and I are going veggie for a month to see how it affects our health and general well being.

I was vegetarian when I was a teen.

This is all for today.

I'm actually looking forward to getting back to work. I am burning no calories laying in bed all day long.

Weigh in 6

Weigh in 1st August 235.6lbs Gain 1lb

Weigh in 8th August 235lbs loss 0.6lbs

Total loss 2lbs

Ok, so it's not that awesome. But I'm always glad when the scales go down not up.

This week has not been the best...I had some days where I counted points all day and then got hungry and ate pop tarts or something.

I also had 12 points of Hershey Bar on Sunday.

On Thursday I couldn't be bothered to make much so I ate A LOT of toast. Too many carbs.

But hey, a loss is a loss, and I have to keep plodding on.

I'm still focusing on points, not adding anything else in just yet.

things...can only get better....

Well my hunger seems to have improved muchly, I have been sticking to the points.

Right now I have next to me a plate of apple and grapes. I love the apple slicer I bought. For some reason I don't like biting into apple whole. I used to sit with a sharp little knife and slice them up but oh no, now I have this.

It makes my apple eating much more enjoyable.

I'm also addicted to lemon sorbet - or sherbert as they call it here. It is sooo yummy, and 2 points per serving. It is like eating lemon flavor ice cream. So refreshing.

Going into school tomorrow even though our official work days don't begin until 2 weeks today. Going to be getting the furniture in order as it all gets taken out so the floors can be waxed.

Hopefully I can just keep sticking to it. I feel like I have so far to go. I have been looking at some old pictures today that I had uploaded to photobox. I hae out on so muh weight since I got married. I want it to be gone. It's a long road ahead.

hey there Delliah...

hmmm not the best start...

I kinda picked a bad time to jump on the wagon...TOTM of course. I feel so hungry and have been craving chocolate which I'm afraid to say I gave into. I bought Hershey's with Almonds.

I think I found a good solution albeit too late - grapes. I hve always loved grapes. My nan used to take me to the local market and offer to buy me sweets, like a pic n mix but I would ask for my own bag of grapes. Strange child! I can remember sitting on the bus home eating them.

I think the sugar content is high so I will have to be careful. But they will be my 'go to' food for now. Pointed of course!

weigh in 5

Start Weight 237lbs BMI 38.2

Weigh in 1 June 27th 234.2lbs BMI 37.8 loss 2.8lbs

Weigh in 2 July 3rd 233.8 lbs loss 0.4lbs

Weigh in 3 July 10th 235.4lbs Gain 1.6lbs

Weigh in 4 July 18th 234.6lbs Loss 0.8lb

Weigh in 1st August 235.6lbs Gain 1lb

Total Loss 1.4lbs

Somewhere in the running I have messed up the weigh ins, I know I haven't missed that many. Ah well.

I did weigh in last week at 237 - I didn' t record it here - I just couldn't deal with blogging about being back up to my start weight. I wish I had now, so I could feel a sense of achievement. Ah well.

1.4lbs is kinda pathetic...I can't count the number of times we ate out while my parents were here..I almost always had steak, fried chicken, mashed potatoes and a brownie and ice cream. I had McDonalds more than once, didn't exercise at all really.

But now, here I am, I have to say a little half heatedly - only because I am out of routine. The good part is I can't afford to eat all that stuff - my parents always paid.

I'm going to try to add in something to focus on each week - this week my only aim is to record what I eat and stick to the old points. Then I will begin to add in water intake etc.

Back to Life, Back to Reality

Well the parents and brother flew home yesterday. I hate saying goodbye...it is harder to separate my life here from them now - mentally I mean.

I keep looking for them in the pool or when I'm doing the grocery shop.

I've eaten out countelss times. Ech. Gotta get on scales.

Kind of an NSV even though I havent really lost any weight, I bought a 2 piece swim suit on our trip to the beach, the bottoms has a built in skirt to give my lumps a bit of modesty! I don't think I have work a two piece bathing suit in a long time. When we went to the beach in June I wore board shorts and a t shirt to cover up. I just felt like this one suited me so I didn't feel fat wearing it.

I just had to put the picture onto weight view, which takes 50lbs off the photo. Here is the result.
WOW! I want to look like that next beach season... I think it is in my capabilities but I need to be so so focused.

weigh in 4

Start Weight 237lbs BMI 38.2

Weigh in 1 June 27th 234.2lbs BMI 37.8 loss 2.8lbs

Weigh in 2 July 3rd 233.8 lbs loss 0.4lbs

Weigh in 3 July 10th 235.4lbs Gain 1.6lbs

Weigh in 4 July 18th 234.6lbs Loss 0.8lbs

Total loss 2.4 lbs

Not a biggie but glad the numbers are going down. It has been not quite as much eating out but with my parents offering to pay all the time, I have found it hard to refuse.

I have not counted points but I have def not over eaten. I'm disappointed I haven't had the determination I wanted to get through this few weeks while I have my family here but truthfully I'm glad this week was a loss of some sort.

I still have that overall determination but the situations I'm in are not making it easy. All the Cadbury's has been shared and eaten so at least that is done and dusted!

This week will see my birthday and a two night trip to the beach so here we go again!

Weigh in 3

I knew it would not be good but I want to at leas continue to see this through.

Start Weight 237lbs BMI 38.2

Weigh in 1 June 27th 234.2lbs BMI 37.8 loss 2.8lbs

Weigh in 2 July 3rd 233.8 lbs loss 0.4lbs
Weigh in 10 July 235.4lbs Gain 1.6lbs
.
Total loss 1.6lbs

It's ok. I've eaten out twice with desert. I've eaten many many fudge bars and Dairy Milk. But it Shared it as much as possible with others to minimise the damage.

Truthfully having family here is stressful I love them and I'm so happy to see them but they are staying in my apartment while we stay with awesome friends. There are too many peoples habits and routines clashing. As of now they don't have a car so I have to drive them anywhere they want to go. It is draining...they are here for 3 more weeks and have been here for one already.

Off to the Mall with them shortly. Have a good day.

the only way is up

so far so bad...

went out for dinner to celebrate my parents arriving here in the USA. I had steak, chicken fingers, mashed potato and a brownie with ice cream.

They brought cadbury's. So far I have had a few fudge bars and a few dairy milk squares.

It won't be like this all the time...they are here for over 3 weeks and none of us can afford to always eat out! But still....I haven't thought about points in the last 24 hours. Hmm.

wI week 2

Start Weight 237lbs BMI 38.2

Weigh in 1 June 27th 234.2lbs BMI 37.8 loss 2.8lbs

Weigh in 2 July 3rd 233.8 lbs BMI loss 0.4lbs

Total loss 3.2lbs

Not a lot to sing and dance about but with totm on it's way it's ok.

When I did WW for my wedding I was always high loss one week low loss next week.

Not much time to write as meeting the family at the airport in a few hours and still some things to sort out.

Help! I need somebody help!

Today I feel so hungry.

I think it is hormones. I hope it is only hormones and I haven't lost my motivation.

My parents arrive tomorrow and I think they brought me some Cadbury's. We can't get it over here. I haven't seen them for almost a year. I know they will be in holiday mode. Well I think so.

I feel torn right now between letting go and enjoying the time with my parents and staying on track. I could hear those little voices while I was in the supermarket....

Just forget it....buy a chocolate bar...one won't hurt....

I didn't and I'm not forgetting it. I'm just. Scared!

well I gotta have faith

Well today I am ... not struggling but feeling very peckish! I think it is because of the reason us girls do get peckish once a month... I am desperately trying not to give in.

Last night we went to our friends house and they had made carrot cake cupcakes. I'm sorry to say I ate 2, and then some cereal when I got home. Think I was over my points by 3 so will have to either go to gym or swim to work them off.

I decided to enter my picture to weightview.com - they will edit your picture to show how you will look if you lose 50lbs. I first saw the idea on Alice's Blog.

Here is how mine turned out.

Yesterday while grocery shopping I cam across these.


I am keeping them frozen so I don't scoff the lot. I cannot afford to get to into the low cal chocolate options or I will lose control!! They are 2 points each.

All I have had so far is scrambled egg on toast....made by hubby Daniel so unsure how to point it!

Any ideas?

Have a great day.

I'm so excited..and I just can't hide it...!

I just can't get over how excited I feel about being on this journey again. It's weird! I just...feel different. Like my heart is really in it. The only time I ever felt like this before was losing weight for my wedding in 2002.

I hope that my feelings are a good sign. I know I won't always feel like this. I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve, like something great is going to happen. I don't feel down anymore. I don't feel like I'm doing this half heatedly.

I would like to bottle this feeling up as I know it will get harder. It just doesn't feel like a chore right now.

The next few weeks will be hard as my parents will be here on holiday for almost 4 weeks. I'm not sure how I am going to deal with the eating part of this e.g eating out. Also my birthday is coming up in July. Any tips? I don't want to backslide.

Well the cookout went well, I was able to sneak a look at the hot dog and buns packages and work out the points. The pic above is before we left - Daniel had to work.

I ate 2 hot dogs in buns, some fruit (someone put a tray of fruit right where I was sitting) and birthday cake. All pointed.

Today has been pretty regular. Did the laundry at Amy's (we don't have a washer/dryer in our apartment) Amy brought back some Chinese (chicken, broccoli and brown rice) from a Chinese restaurant that prides itself in healthy cooking - no additives etc. I only ate half of it and saved half for Daniel.

I have been pretty wiped out so napping this afternoon and consequently have 14 points left at 8.30pm. I also didn't get up until 11am so that explains it also.

Have a great ww week.

Weigh in 1 and an Early Morning Wake Up Call!

Ok weigh in 1. It isn't really 1 but it is for this new hope that I can get somewhere.

Start Weight 237lbs BMI 38.2

Weigh in 1 June 27th 234.2lbs BMI 37.8 loss 2.8lbs

I am more than happy with this result. I have only really been back on track 3 days. It's encouraging to see my body is responding to it already.

I had a heart to heart with my friend Amy about losing weight. She agreed to be my motivator. I trust her as she lost 60lb plus of her own and she now loves to work out. We arranged to go to a nearby park to workout this morning at 9am.

We were mostly power walking, we did 4 laps of the lake or about 2 miles, taking about 30 minutes.




This is the lake we went to, photo by me of course!

It is sweltering hot here, like in the 90s even at 9am. I did struggle with that. It was also a very bright day. I still haven't shaken my headache from the sun.

Also kind of odd, the insides of my two biggest toes were rubbing together, leaving blisters inbetween my toes. Amy wants to do this every day except Sundays. She is much fitter than I am but we will see how it goes. I need to start slow and build it up or I will crash and burn!

I'm worried tonight. We have a cookout to go to with work people. I will have to be very careful as i know there will be hot dogs and snacks. I'm going to at least make sure I don't go there hungry.

KAmy time...and the movies

Today has been another great day. Its 9.15pm Eastern Time and I still have 7 points left. I'm worried about that as I think I do better at this when I eat all my points. I'm going to try to listen to my body though and see how hungry I feel.

Today my wonderful friend Amy took my hubby out shopping for my up coming birthday. So sweet of her as hubby doesn't drive.

Here we are together, just a few weeks ago. We combined, are KAmy. Just like Brangelina! We have a lot of fun together. She is an awesome friend I will be sad to leave here in the USA when we move back.



So I was chilling for a couple of hours and was all dressed in workout clothes ready to try my "Dancing with the Stars" (aka strictly come dancing dvd.) But they arrived back literally as I was hitting the play button! But I still managed to do it!

I did make the mistake of doing it hungry, but I managed 20 minutes of trying the different styles of dance, such as the paso doble and the jive. It was fun. I think I may have to hit the gym to tho to make sure I'm getting enough cardio. Considering we have a little gym in our apartment complex about a 1 minute walk away I have no excuse.

So Amy and I decided to go to the movies, to see 'My Sister's Keeper' - a book I have read twice as it is by my favourite author, Jodi Picoult. I feel like (although it has only been two days) that this was my first big challenge.

I always take or buy something to munch on, or get popcorn. Not today. I could have easily resumed my old mentality of 'well it's just one time' and use the cinema trip as a reason to eat junk. Not this time. I took a little bag of grapes. Yep grapes. I did buy a diet coke and also an iced fruit bar (iced lolly) which was 1.5 points and make with real strawberries. It tasted so good.



I felt like this was a show of how dedicated I am. I feel better inside and out and it has barely been 3 days.

Ok, onto weigh in. I've been hopping on and off the scales out of routine. Tomorrow morning I will weigh officially. I weighed myself after the beach trip this past weekend.

The results were 237lbs or 16st 9.

I will use this as my start weight. It's hurting me becasue a couple of months ago I got down to 220lbs and 15st 7.

From now on I will weigh on Friday or Saturday morning.

Goals

I would like to lose 82lbs, to make me 11 stone 1. I worked that out over a year to be 1.5lbs a week. Maybe, just maybe it is doable. Or close to do able.

I want and need to be a healthy BMI/Weight for my height as above.

This time next year I want to be wearing a bikini on the beach.

I have to begin with my 10% goal. This will be 23lbs loss. or 1 stone 9lbs (edited as I made a mistake the first time)

I hope I can get there. I'm damn well gonna try. And truthfully, I'm excited.

My new favorite salad

I feel like today is going well so far.

We went out to lunch to Panera Bread with a good friend and colleague of Daniel's.

Check out their website here http://www.panerabread.com/. It is a bakery cafe kinda thing.

They make my favorite salad in the whole world. Now I am not a HUGE salad person. I mean, my hubby makes great salads but I would never choose a salad when I'm eating out. This one has won me over. It is called the Poppy Seed Salad. You can have it with chicken but I prefer it without.

Romaine lettuce, fresh strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, Mandarin oranges, pecans & our fat-free poppyseed dressing.

I also had half a tomato and mozarella panini. The joy of Panera is they do a 'you pick two' deal so you can get half sandwich half salad which I think is awesome.

I have found that most places here have excellent detailed nutritional information. So I worked out the points for my salad. It was..... 1 POINT!! Oh yes! Oh jubilation!!

So anyways, I have used 14.5 points so far...

Bagel - 4
iced Fudgesicle - 0.5
salad 1
panini 6.5
potaoe chips (side order choice) 2.5

Maybe I can do this after all!

Header and Grocery Shop

I know! Two posts in one day. Go me!

Firstly I have been working all night on my header! It is made using a picture I took when at the beach this weekend.I felt it fitted the journey theme well, as i feel like I'm at the beginning of the bridge.

Also I finally got up off my butt to go to the grocery store. I felt inspired to go and started to remember meals I used to make, like pasta with Campbell's tomato soup! Sometimes dinner time is hard for me, my Hubby works in a performing arts theatre and so leaves for work around 5pm and comes home 10.30 onwards, so it is easy to be lazy and just eat rubbish for dinner. Not anymore!

I also bought these. I waste so much fruit and veg because it goes bad so fast. I'm hoping they work!

A whole lotta milkshake...

Wow. today was out and about with a friend and he bought me a peach milkshake from chick - fil - a. For you Brits its like a chicken version of burger king. It was so yummy and had huge chunks of peach in it. I just looked up the calories to work out the points.

Cal 850
Sat Fat 13
Points. 15.5.

Oh. My Goodness.

This has shown me why I have not been losing weight lately. I tend to pick things and not realise just how high the points are. I have also eaten special K today making a total of 18.5 points on those two things. I feel like an idiot. A big idiot. And a depressed one. I'm an expert at being depressed about my weight.

The beach was a lot of fun and yes we did eat out the whole weekend which I'm sure was not good. I have been too lazy to go get groceries but I must must go today. I am going to throw on my dance workout dvd and then shower and go.

Also there are too many pop tarts in this house. And they are 6 points for two. Maybe I should just eat one in the future for a treat. 3 points is not so bad for a treat.


Here I am at the beach.

long time no see

I'm so mad at myself. I have been focused on eating healthily at all, points or otherwise.

I'm up to my original weight and probably beyond. I feel like the groove I had has gone.

The last month or so I've been looking at (though not doing) faddy diets. the special k diet. the soup diet. As a last ditch resort to lose weight before my parents come. I wanted to surprise them. I feel crappy that I won't. And also like they will be disappointed in me. Especially my mum.

Goodness knows I'm disappointed in myself. Actually I kinda hate myself.

I've come to a conclusion. Faddy diets are not worth my efforts. Not as a last ditch attempt. Not as any attempt.

I know ww works for me. The first week I did it in 2002 when I was losing weight for my wedding, I lost 7lbs. I know it works if I'm committed. And planned. And not lazy. Or blase.

This week a collegue and friend's husband died aged 39. He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer and we do not know yet if this was the cause, but he was supposedly in recovery. Not in a critical stage.

It makes me feel like I owe it to him and to myself to be as healthy as possible. Why abuse my own healthy body by something as simple as being overweight?

Tomorrow and onwards I will count points. I will work out. I will get it together. Because I can't feel like this anymore.

Bryher, you remain my inspiration. I have revisted your blog today back to the beginning. If you are in a weight loss battle check this girl out. She is awesome

http://www.bryherhill.com/

It will not be easy.
Here is why

My family are here for 4 weeks, so routine and events will not be typical.
We are going to the beach this weekend.
Eating out is totally they way they do it here. It's so cheap and easy.

But here I go. Please let this be the last here I go.

Am I looking slimmer? I'm not sure...

Photos from when we first arrived in the USA...



and some newer ones

How did I get here?

Today we went to the mall and I was happy I remembered to look for Shauna Reid's book 'The Amazing adventures of diet girl.' As far as I know, this is what inspired my friend Bryher to write her blog in the first place. If you haven't read it and are trying to lose weight I highly recommend it.


She still keeps a blog here.
And Bryher's equally inspiring blog is here.

So, I thought I would write about how I ended up here, trying to lose weight.

I think as a child and a young teenager I was not really over weight. Certainly as I got older into my teens, I was curvaceous, but when I look back now I don't think I was as big as I felt at the time.

Once I started university and had a lot of my own money (well not a lot, but enough!) I would do things my parents would otherwise not give me money to do or even I wouldn't ask them, mostly they were making my food choices by being responsible for the groceries.

So think lots of snacks for lectures and popping to the corner shop for chocolate, buying reduced easter eggs as snacks...I've always been more of a sweet eater than savoury. I guess I just let myself have what I wanted when I wanted, as no one was stopping me!

So after almost 3 years of uni, myself and my then boyfriend Daniel decided to get married in August 2002.

My Mum sugested we go to Weight Watchers, and I was kinda like, well ok then. I didn't see myself as big or horrible but agreed it would be a good idea to lose some weight before the wedding.

I was shocked to get on the scales and find I was around 14st 13lbs (209lbs) and was happy to give weight watchers a shot. The first week I lost 7lb and was really chuffed.

I then found The Dream Dress. Kinda like in a movie, the first dress I tried on was 'The One'. I mean I am still in love with this dress 7 years later. It was just perfect, pretty straps, amazing bead work, gorgeous train. Wow. I love my dress. Can you tell!

Anyway the dress was, of course, too small. Can we order it in a different size ,we asked? No, it was one of a kind, we were told. It's ok, i said, I'm trying to lose weight for the wedding anyway...
They said it might work if we put pannels in the side to make it bigger. I was like um...and ruin the beadwork! No!

This gave me my biggest ever motivation to lose weight. I wanted my precious dress to fit, plus, you know the wedding night was an incentive too...

I was focused. I stuck to weight wacthers rigidly, but it didn't feel ridgid. Nothing was banned, as long as you counted it in your points.

I began on April 18th 2002 and at my final weigh in before the wedding on August 24th 2002, I got got down to 12 stone 9. 2 st 4 lbs in 4 months.

I went to my final dress fitting, not sure if i had done enough, but low and behold, I had. No side pannels. No big adjustments, my dream dress stayed intact.

I had such drive, determination, and really little choice if wanted my dress to go unchanged.

I'm writing about this to try to find that drive and motivation again. The weight steadily crept on, through out the years. I suck at willpower. I've lost bits here and there, as you can see below, but I still weigh more than that first weight watchers meeting.

I'll keep reading Shauna, and Bryher, and I may keep writing like this too. It's theraputic.

Weigh in 12

Well it's good news but I think only because I am STILL suffering with this tummy bug!

Weight 220.2
Loss - 2.2lbs
Total Loss 12.6lbs

spring break kinda bombed

Ive been sick the last 2 days with a stomach bug. It's HORRIBLE

so there has been no exercising and not much eating.

I just want it to be done with.

Spring Break Day 2

This was a weird day...very lazy, very bummed out after talking to my Nan who has been in hospital since February after a stroke. She was crying and asking me to come home.

Thanks to Daniel's encouragement I still exercised and we went for about a 40 minute walk, our usual route we have if we go for a long walk.

I think I only managed one bottle of water so need to step that up!

spring Break Day 1

Well it wasn't really spring break as it was a work day in school.

I managed to leave into to catch a shoing of the movie 'the wrestler' - snack free. We went to subway for lunch before hand and i had had a bagel for breakfast so not doing too bad at all.

I managed to stick to my exercise and water bid,, went out to buy the water last night. I got 24 0.5l bottles I find it much more likely that I will drink it in this way. I have a bottle beside me right now!

I went by the gym in our apartments but it was pretty busy (only one treadmill) so I jogged/walked around the apartments for a little while.

I'm glad I did it, it turned out I left my debit cad at the postal office today so I had to go back for it and really didn't feel like going out AGAIN to exercise but I didn't want to write here that i failed on day 1!

Tomorrow I don't know what the plans are yet but I want to get the exercise part put of the way sooner rather than later.

Bye for now

here's to Bryher

If I haven't said it before, please check out my friend Bryher's blog.

This weekend she was featured in 'fabulous' magazine that comes with the news of the world. I'm hugely proud of her and starting to think I should put more effort into this blog and it might help me.

Her blog is www.bryherhill.com and you can see the finished article there.

I guess I'm actually quite relieved this week to have not put on. But 10.4lbs in all this time is not great.
People do seem to be noticing, especially parents at school which is nice, but think how much better I could do if I was really trying!?

This is what I think I will do.

As it is Spring Break, I'm going to go out and buy some bottled water. And drink it!

As a teacher it is hard to 1) find the time to remember to drink water and 2) it is difficult at times to get to use the bathroom the day is so full. I'm hoping if I can make it a habit this week I can figure out a way to keep it going.

Secondly I have no excuses for not going the the gym. So this is a big one for me. I'm going to try to do SOMETHING in the gym from Monday - Friday this week. Even if it is just running for 15mins.

I think I need to use this blog kind of to be accountable.

I have to be honest, living here is very much about eating out. Not just junk/fast food but restaurants and all that stuff. I like to go out when I can afford to but I will have to try to control this if I can.

So, I will try to update tomorrow as to how it is all going.

xxx

weigh in 11? or not...

I have not weighed in the last few weeks, I have been very absent minded with the fire that happened to my house in the UK and stress at work

I weighed today and I weigh exactly the same as the last time I weighed. So I'm glad I didn't put on but frustrated with myself that I haven't lost much.

I guess only i can address that.

weight 222.4
Loss 10.4

weigh in 10

Weight - 222.4lbs
Loss. 0.4lbs
Total loss - 10.4lbs

weigh in 9

I'm a little confused, I must have recorded wrongly last weke because i always save my results on the scales I own.

This morning it said 1.2lb lost, 10lb total but that doesn't tally with last weeks result so I'm confused!

Current Weight 222.8lbs
Total Loss 10lb

weigh in 8

Current weight 223.6lbs

Loss 0.4lbs

Total Loss 9.2lbs

Weigh ins 6 and 7 (6 revisited)

I was just too embarrassed to write about last week.

I mean I knew it was bad but didn't think as bad as it was.

Weigh in 6 (last week)

Current Weight - 225.6lbs
GAIN 3.6 lbs.
Total Loss 7.2lbs

this number made me much less happier than 10.2lbs

Yuck. Ok. I know i got taken out for a meal and didn't write anything down and didn't go to the gym so i deserved it.

I was really mad at myself. The comment from the parent of a child in my class saying 'Oh you have lost weight' made me feel good. It inspired me to want more people to notice.

Weigh in 7 (this week)
Current Weight 224lbs
Loss this week 1.6lbs
Total loss 8.8lbs

Not so bad. I definitely do much better, as my Mother observed, when I am broke and can't afford to buy junk food. Even low calorie junk food like my good old hershey's sticks I can eat the whole box! (9 points).

Well then this week should be easy. A week to payday and due to my internet company messing up and my bank too, I have no money until then!

I want to get back into double figures very badly.

I want my family to go 'wow'! When they get off the play here in Charlotte at the beginning of July.

I want people to notice.

I want to be healthier.

Hopefully it will be a good week.

xoxo

weigh in 6

I don't really wanna talk about weigh in right now. Maybe I will in a few days.

A parent at school who hadn't seen me in a while said I looked like I had lost weight, so that was nice.

two of my lucky charms

I have discovered 2 lucky charms to keep me on track

The first is progresso soup. It is really like a stew and endorsed by WW. Some of the vegetable ones are 0 points and ones with chicken in are more like 1 point half the tin and 2 points for the whole tin. They are really chunky and filling so I have started taking them into school for lunch.

http://www.bettycrocker.com/products/progresso/progresso-low-calorie-soups.htm

The second is Hersheys 60 calories sticks - they are long sticks of chocolate for only 60 cals (1 point) each, the come in caramel filled version which is my favourite, and mint, solid milk chocolate and dark choclate. Here I have to be carefull I dont eat too many!

http://www.hersheys.com/products/details/sticks.asp